Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
