He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
