remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Small penises have feelings too.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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