That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
