You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
