I can text with my tongue
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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