My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
