Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
