I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
