Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
