That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
