just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
