i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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