when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
