I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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