I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
