I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
