I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
