I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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