Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
