90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
