apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
