absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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