yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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