Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
