well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
