I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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