Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
