i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
and she was petting her beer can
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
