Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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