after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
