do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
