under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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