Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
