This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
