How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i drank out of a bidet.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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