Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
