haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
