his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I touched a dick in church today
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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