I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
