dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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