He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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