Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
