She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
