about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
