Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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