I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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