wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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