I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
