You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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