i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
