Banned from zoo.
Again?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
