Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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