i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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