break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
