i jhust puked up my retainher.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
